Show Up and Shine: Ditching the 'Not Yet' Mentality!
Ever found yourself waiting for the perfect moment to dive into something, only to be told by a total stranger that you’re already more than ready?
Yup, that’s what happened to me!
This episode dives into the hilarious yet oh-so-relatable dilemma of feeling like we need to be "more" before we can just show up and be ourselves.
I chat about how we often stack up courses and certifications like trophies, thinking they’ll magically transform us into the version we want to be.
Spoiler alert: it’s not the knowledge gap we’re dealing with, it’s an identity gap.
So grab your headphones, because we’re unpacking this quirky little pattern of “doing” our way into “being” and why sometimes, all we really need is to just take the plunge! There’s something oddly comforting about the feeling of waiting, isn’t there?
Like, we convince ourselves that we’re in 'preparation mode,' when in fact, we’re often just hiding behind our 'to-do' lists.
It’s a fun ride through the ups and downs of self-discovery, complete with a hefty dose of humour and insight. If you’ve ever felt like you’re racing against the clock to become more qualified, this episode will give you the nudge to realise that you might just be ready right now — no course required!
Chapters:
- 00:06 - A New Direction in Coaching
- 02:06 - Understanding the Identity Gap
- 04:16 - Defending Limitations
- 05:38 - Understanding Permission and Identity
- 08:25 - Choosing Happiness: Overcoming Limitations
- 10:01 - Exploring Permission and Authenticity
Takeaways:
- Sometimes all you really need is to just show up, not another course, mate!
- We often confuse doing with being, but true confidence comes from knowing you already are enough.
- Waiting for permission to be yourself is just fear dressed as productivity, let’s ditch that!
- Catching the pattern of postponing your dreams can be the first step towards happiness, folks!
- Courses are great, but don’t forget to check if you’re just buying permission to be who you already are.
- Let’s stop defending our limitations, because you are ready right now, my friend!
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Transcript
Last night, I had a conversation with someone I'd never met before, someone in a group.
Speaker A:And we were exploring whether we might be accountability partners.
Speaker A:And within about 10 minutes, I told him my background, the tech, the coaching, the AI work, the writing, the nlp, the marketing.
Speaker A:And he stopped me and he said, you don't need that course.
Speaker A:You might already know more than what's actually in it.
Speaker A:You just need to show up.
Speaker A:And I'd laughed because I've been trying to get into that course for over 12 months.
Speaker A:And a stranger, 10 minutes into a conversation reflected back something I genuinely couldn't see about myself.
Speaker A:And that's what this episode is all about.
Speaker A:So stay tuned for this week's Choosing Happy podcast.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Choosing Happy.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Masters, your host, and I'm a transformational practitioner, NLP trainer, AI explorer, and apparently someone who needs a stranger on a zoom call to tell her she's ready.
Speaker A:And if that landed, stay with me, because I have a feeling you might need to hear this too.
Speaker A:Here's a pattern I've been living inside for most of my adult life.
Speaker A:I call it doing my way into being.
Speaker A:And I've mentioned it before, with all of the content that I've been putting out there, and this is what it looks like.
Speaker A:You want to be a confident writer, so you sign up for a writing course and you throw loads of content out there.
Speaker A:You want to be taken seriously in your field, so you get another certification, because that proves it.
Speaker A:And you want to show up more fully, so you find a program that will teach you how.
Speaker A:And then you don't show up.
Speaker A:The logic feels completely sound.
Speaker A:You do the thing, become the person.
Speaker A:Except it doesn't actually work like that, because what you're really saying when you sign up for the next course is, I'm not enough yet.
Speaker A:Once I have this, I will be.
Speaker A:And often we don't set the boundary to what enough looks like.
Speaker A:And the cruel irony is, the moment you complete it, there's always another course because of the gap you're trying to fill isn't a knowledge gap, it's a being gap.
Speaker A:It's an identity gap.
Speaker A:And you can't course your way into being.
Speaker A:And I know this.
Speaker A:I teach a version of this.
Speaker A:I've sat with clients and coaching calls and gently, precisely help them see that this is the exact pattern in themselves, and then gone home.
Speaker A:And I've signed up for another course.
Speaker A:We do what we do everywhere.
Speaker A:That's one of my favorite NLP presuppositions.
Speaker A:And it's absolutely humbling when you catch yourself doing the thing that you help other people stop doing.
Speaker A:So last night I'm on a zoom call with someone I've never met.
Speaker A:Mutual connection in a group that we both signed up for.
Speaker A:Hahaha.
Speaker A:Exploring whether we'd work well as accountability partners.
Speaker A:And within a few minutes, 10 minutes, I'm doing what I do.
Speaker A:Sharing the threads of what I work on.
Speaker A:The tech background, the goals, the AI lens, the NLP training, the coaching, the writing community, the marketing work, the whole shebang.
Speaker A:And I mentioned that I've been trying to join a well known content and writing program called Over a Year and he happened to actually be in it.
Speaker A:And he paused and he said, have you actually looked at what's in the curriculum?
Speaker A:Because from what you've just described, you might already know more than what's covered.
Speaker A:You don't need the course, you just need to show up.
Speaker A:You just need to do it.
Speaker A:A stranger, not a coach, not someone trying to flatter me or get something out of me.
Speaker A:It's someone I'd known for about 10 minutes doing an honest assessment of what I just told him.
Speaker A:And my, my immediate reaction, if I'm being honest, was to argue for my limitation.
Speaker A:But there might be things I'm missing.
Speaker A:The community would be valuable.
Speaker A:The accountability.
Speaker A:But, but, but.
Speaker A:And you know the pattern, don't you?
Speaker A:Someone offers you a clear reflection and your first instinct is to find reasons why they're wrong.
Speaker A:As I say, to defend your limitation.
Speaker A:Because if they're right, if you're actually are enough, then you've run out of reasons to wait.
Speaker A:And waiting, it turns out, is very comfortable because we don't have to show up in the world.
Speaker A:It feels like preparation, it feels like responsibility, it feels like not rushing.
Speaker A:But sometimes, not always, but sometimes waiting is just fear with productivity disguised.
Speaker A:And here's what I've been sitting with since that conversation.
Speaker A:The program I've been wanting to join, the whole draw of it wasn't really the curriculum, it was the permission.
Speaker A:It was the wanting to be like the person who runs the course.
Speaker A:And I was ignoring the permission to call myself someone who already does this.
Speaker A:The permission to show up in that space.
Speaker A:The permission to be the person I already am granted by an external authority.
Speaker A:And that's the doing trap at its most elegant.
Speaker A:You know, often we're told that if you do it enough and consistently, it'll work.
Speaker A:Yet if you're not being the person that does it, if at identity level, you don't identify as that person doesn't matter how you many times you show up, it's just not going to get the result that you're.
Speaker A:You're hoping for.
Speaker A:And that's the doing trap at its most elegant.
Speaker A:We outsource our being to other people's programs.
Speaker A:Now, I want to be careful here, because I'm not saying courses and communities don't have value.
Speaker A:They absolutely do.
Speaker A:I run my own.
Speaker A:I know they have value.
Speaker A:Learning matters, community matters, Coaching matters.
Speaker A:Investing in yourself matters.
Speaker A:But there's a difference between learning something genuine new and buying permission to be who you already are.
Speaker A:Buying your permission because you're comparing and you're still feeling not enough.
Speaker A:And you haven't set that measure of what enough looks like.
Speaker A:So one expands you, the other delays you.
Speaker A:And knowing which one you're doing, that's the work.
Speaker A:In nlp, we talk about the difference between state and behavior.
Speaker A:So you can change a behavior endlessly.
Speaker A:For me, I can constantly hone my content, put more content out there, try a podcast, try YouTube.
Speaker A:Consistently change the behavior, but never touch the state that's underneath it.
Speaker A:The identity, the being it.
Speaker A:The doing and the being are not on the same axis.
Speaker A:Doing flows naturally from being.
Speaker A:So I'm fully embraced in who I am as a coach, as a trainer.
Speaker A:The being.
Speaker A:The actions will naturally follow.
Speaker A:And being does not flow from doing.
Speaker A:And I've been guilty of that.
Speaker A:Doing the content, putting it out there.
Speaker A:Yet not being the content, not being the experience, not being the person who believes herself to be the influencer, who believes herself to be qualified to put out that content.
Speaker A:And that's the realization that landed for me last night.
Speaker A:I've been approaching this the wrong way around for a very long time.
Speaker A:And what does that have to do with choosing Happy?
Speaker A:Well, everything.
Speaker A:Because one of the quietest sources of unhappiness I see in the people I work with and honestly in myself is the background ground hum of not yet, not enough, not ready, not qualified.
Speaker A:It's not loud, it doesn't announce itself, it just quietly postpones your life.
Speaker A:We quietly defend our limitations.
Speaker A:And choosing Happy, really choosing it, not just the idea of it, sometimes requires catching the pattern and making a different micro choice.
Speaker A:So here's the one I'm leaving you with today.
Speaker A:Think of something you've been waiting to do, a B until you've completed something else first.
Speaker A:Maybe it's a course that you're hoping to complete, a certification, a milestone, a certain number of followers, a particular stage in life.
Speaker A:Now ask yourself, is what I'm waiting for Going to teach me something I genuinely don't know yet?
Speaker A:Or is it going to give me permission to be something I already am and just sit with that?
Speaker A:You don't need to answer it out loud.
Speaker A:You don't even need to answer it today.
Speaker A:But if a small, uncomfortable part of you knows the answer, that's the part worth listening to.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Masters.
Speaker A:This is the Choosing Happy Podcast where we explore the small, often uncomfortable, sometimes hilarious choices that make the bigger life possible.
Speaker A:And if this landed for you, then share it with someone who needs to hear it or drop me a message.
Speaker A:I genuinely read them all.
Speaker A:And if you've been waiting for permission to show up as hu you beautifully already are, consider this your stranger on a zoom call.
Speaker A:You're ready.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed it or think it would be valuable to others, please do share.
Speaker A:And if you really enjoyed it, please leave me a review.
Speaker A:It really helps the podcast.
Speaker A:All of the links are in the show notes and I look forward to seeing you next week on the Choosing Happy Podcast.
Speaker A:Sam.
