Fail Forward Friday — When Everything Went Well… and I Sabotaged It To Stay Safe
Intro:
Success can feel like a double-edged sword, right? Today, I’m diving into a personal tale of how I accidentally blew up a perfectly awesome part of my life because, deep down, success felt as safe as a porcupine in a balloon factory!
Join me as I share the wild ride of my freelance contract that was going swimmingly until life threw me a curveball—my dog broke his leg, and bam! My brain went into full-on “good things equal danger” mode. I’ll spill the tea on how I mistook suffering for strength and why it took a bit of gentle, compassionate work to untangle that mess.
So, grab a cuppa, settle in, and let’s chat about how to make peace with the good stuff and stop sabotaging our own joy!
The Detail:
Get ready for a heartfelt dose of introspection with Heather Masters as she navigates the ups and downs of life in this week’s episode of Choosing Happy. Heather shares a particularly poignant story about how she unwittingly sabotaged her own success just when everything seemed to be falling into place. With her unique blend of humour and vulnerability, she recounts the fateful moment when her beloved dog broke his leg, triggering a cascade of old fears and beliefs that success meant loss. It’s a poignant reminder that sometimes, our brains have a mind of their own, often leading us into self-sabotage without us even realising it!
As she unfolds her tale, Heather dives into the complex relationship between trauma and success, revealing how previous life experiences can shape our perceptions of what it means to thrive.
She candidly describes how her nervous system reacted to the dog’s injury, pulling the plug on her happiness and success as it associated good times with impending doom. It’s a wild ride through the inner workings of her mind, where she realises that her struggle wasn’t a badge of honour, but a deep-seated fear that had taken control of her life. Heather's journey is relatable and eye-opening, making us reflect on our own responses to success and the ways we might be unintentionally holding ourselves back.
Towards the end, she invites us to consider how we handle success and ease in our own lives, pushing us to ask some tough questions about our comfort with struggle. What tiny step can we take to create safety in our lives?
It’s a gentle nudge towards self-discovery and growth, encouraging us to shed the notion that suffering is noble and embrace the idea that we can have good things without the accompanying fear.
With Heather’s infectious enthusiasm and authenticity, this episode is not just a story, but a call to action for anyone who has ever felt stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and fear. So get comfy, hit play, and let’s embark on this journey of choosing happy together!
Takeaways:
- Success can feel scary because of past traumas that link good times with loss.
- It's vital to recognise when we're sabotaging our happiness out of fear of success.
- Finding safety in our bodies is essential for allowing ourselves to embrace joy.
- Suffering doesn't make us noble; creating space for well-being does, so let's stop the struggle!
- The journey from self-imposed hardship to recognising the importance of self-care is transformative.
- Understanding that ease and success are safe can open the doors to a fulfilling life.
Chapters:
- 00:17 - Understanding Self-Sabotage
- 01:27 - Understanding Trauma Logic
- 03:10 - Understanding the Trauma Response
- 04:14 - The Transformation Begins
- 06:04 - Stepping Into Value and Worth
- 06:20 - Choosing Safety in Identity
How You Can Connect with Heather and Support This Independent Podcast:
Please like, share with someone who may need to hear this today, and/or leave a review and support the podcast. I really appreciate it.
Tired of the same patterns keeping you stuck?
Check out the Pattern Breaker Coaching Program: www.choosinghappy.co.uk/pattern-breaker
Want to dive deeper? Drop me an email: heather@heathervmasters.com
Join the conversation: Community | https://buymeacoffee.com/choosinghappy
More :
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Transcript
Welcome to the Choosing Happy Podcast and Friday Fail Forward.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Masters, your host, and I want to tell you about the time everything, and I mean everything, was going brilliant in my life and I absolutely blew it up.
Speaker A:Not on purpose, not consciously, but in that deep, old unconscious way we all sabotage success because somewhere inside, success doesn't feel safe.
Speaker A:And this is a fail forward story that still stings things.
Speaker A:And yet it's one of the most important lessons I've ever lived.
Speaker A:So join me on today's Choosing Happy podcast.
Speaker A:A few years ago, I had a brilliant freelance contract.
Speaker A:I love the company.
Speaker A:The work lit me up, the team was amazing, the money was flowing and everything was aligned.
Speaker A:You know those rare seasons where life feels like it's finally coming together?
Speaker A:And that was one of them.
Speaker A:And then in the space of a moment, the pattern I didn't even know I was living kicked in, my dog broke his leg.
Speaker A:And the moment it happened, somewhere in the mixed up trauma wired parts of my brain, something clicked, clicked into place.
Speaker A:Good things equal danger.
Speaker A:Success equals loss.
Speaker A:When life goes up, something terrible comes down and suddenly the contract, the income, the joy, the momentum, it all felt connected to that one moment of pain.
Speaker A:And that's the thing about trauma logic.
Speaker A:It doesn't need to make sense.
Speaker A:It just needs to feel familiar.
Speaker A:Because here's the truth I didn't want to see.
Speaker A:This wasn't a new fear, it was an old one.
Speaker A:When I ran my very first NLP training, the one that felt like I'd done it, my whole life was expanding and my partner died suddenly shortly after.
Speaker A:And in my body, in that deep, primitive survival wired place, those two events welded together.
Speaker A:Success equals loss, expansion equals danger.
Speaker A:And good things equal bad things.
Speaker A:And so what did my nervous system do?
Speaker A:The only thing it knew how to do, based on years of survival.
Speaker A:It pulled the plug on everything to protect me.
Speaker A:I almost shut down completely.
Speaker A:I didn't see it at the time.
Speaker A:I thought I was being sensible, logical, cautious.
Speaker A:But really, I put myself into extremes to break the problem pattern.
Speaker A:I stopped earning, I stopped receiving.
Speaker A:I stopped allowing support, I withdrew.
Speaker A:I stopped letting anything good land.
Speaker A:I went without food.
Speaker A:I went without heating, real heating and a freezing winter.
Speaker A:Minus five outside, wrapped in blankets, inside, surviving barely.
Speaker A:I called it resilience.
Speaker A:I called it strength.
Speaker A:I called it I'll get through this.
Speaker A:But now I see it clearly for what it was.
Speaker A:A trauma freeze response disguised as self reliance.
Speaker A:A nervous system refusing to allow success because success didn't feel safe and because struggle did feel familiar.
Speaker A:My Mind, confused, familiar was safe.
Speaker A:And we all do this.
Speaker A:And while I was suffering in silence, telling myself it was noble and virtuous, it was stress in everyone who cared about me out of their minds.
Speaker A:My suffering didn't protect anyone.
Speaker A:It didn't prevent loss.
Speaker A:It didn't break the pattern, it just broke me.
Speaker A:It made me smaller, weaker, quieter and less able to help anyone, including myself.
Speaker A:There's nothing virtuous about suffering, nothing holy about self abandonment, nothing admirable about freezing your own life because you're scared it might hurt again.
Speaker A:But here's where the real transformation began.
Speaker A:When I finally realized that this wasn't a mindset flaw or laziness or lack of discipline.
Speaker A:It was a safety issue.
Speaker A:My body didn't feel safe with success.
Speaker A:My identity didn't feel safe with ease.
Speaker A:My nervous system didn't trust the good things.
Speaker A:So no amount of affirmations, journaling or pushing through was going to help.
Speaker A:This was trauma.
Speaker A:This was freeze mode.
Speaker A:And the only way out of freeze.
Speaker A:Very gentle, very slow, very compassionate, somatic work.
Speaker A:Little movements, breath, letting the body unkyle, creating internal safety, not forcing external performance.
Speaker A:That's when things finally shifted.
Speaker A:And that's when the pattern loosened.
Speaker A:From that season.
Speaker A:That extreme self imposed hardship.
Speaker A:I learned ease is not dangerous.
Speaker A:Success is not catastrophic.
Speaker A:But staying small is.
Speaker A:Self care isn't selfish.
Speaker A:Neglect is.
Speaker A:People don't need my suffering.
Speaker A:They need my well being.
Speaker A:And I can be successful and safe.
Speaker A:I don't need to prove my worth through pain.
Speaker A:And the most surprising lesson, I became profoundly grateful for the basics.
Speaker A:Not the trappings, not the shiny things, but heat, warmth, food, connection, health, love, the things that matter.
Speaker A:Would I choose to live like that again?
Speaker A:Absolutely not.
Speaker A:Was it useful?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Because it taught me what I will never allow myself to do again.
Speaker A:And now I am truly, finally stepping into my value, my worth and my right to live a life without struggle, without self imposed suffering, without the fear that something beautiful has to cost me something terrible.
Speaker A:That identity is gone and I'm choosing a new one.
Speaker A:And in that choice, there is safety.
Speaker A:This week ask yourself, where does success feel unsafe in my body?
Speaker A:Where am I sabotaging ease because struggle feels familiar?
Speaker A:Where have I confused suffering with virtue?
Speaker A:And then very gently ask, what would one tiny act of safety look like today?
Speaker A:Because the moment your body feels safe, your life begins to expand.
Speaker A:If this resonated, come and tell me at the Choosing Happy podcast on the socials or at choosinghappy Space.
Speaker A:Have a wonderful weekend.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed it or think it would be valuable to others, please do share.
Speaker A:And if you really enjoyed it, like, please leave me a review.
Speaker A:It really helps the podcast.
Speaker A:All of the links are in the show notes and I look forward to seeing you next week on the Choosing Happy Podcast.
