Episode 157: When You Believe You're Unforgivable
Episode 157: When You Believe You're Unforgivable
First Episode After Pause | January 2026
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
After a pause for deep reflection and transformation, Heather returns with a vulnerable confession: she's spent most of her life believing she was unforgivable.
In this powerful relaunch episode, Heather shares what she couldn't say before—that for over a decade, she carried a belief so deep it became her identity. Not "I carry shame," but "I AM unforgivable."
If you've ever believed you're a bad person, that you've done something society can't forgive, or that you don't deserve happiness—this episode is for you.
This is not your typical "release your shame" conversation. This is about dismantling the belief that shame IS who you are.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
• Why "I am unforgivable" feels like truth, not belief—and what that actually means
• The difference between carrying shame and shame becoming your identity
• How impossible circumstances create "shame architecture" that feels permanent
• Why traditional approaches to shame often fail when the belief is this deep
• The specific work that separates WHO YOU ARE from WHAT YOU SURVIVED
• What identity reclamation actually looks like (and why it's not about forgiving yourself)
• How this podcast is changing to serve women carrying the deepest shame
KEY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE
On Identity vs. Shame: "You don't say 'I made a mistake.' You say 'I AM a mistake.' You don't say 'I carry shame.' You say 'I am unforgivable.'"
On Recognition: "When you believe you're a bad person, when you think you've done something society can't forgive—that's not just guilt or regret. That's shame that's become your IDENTITY."
On The Work: "I help women see that 'I am unforgivable' isn't who they are—it's shame architecture. And once you see it's constructed, it can be dismantled."
On Transformation: "Separate WHO YOU ARE from WHAT YOU SURVIVED. That's the work. That's the transformation."
On This Podcast: "If you believe you're unforgivable, you're not. And I can show you why."
WHO THIS EPISODE IS FOR
This episode will resonate deeply if you:
✓ Believe you're fundamentally a bad person (not that you made mistakes, but that you ARE the mistake)
✓ Made a choice your family or community couldn't forgive
✓ Survived something and somehow became the one carrying the shame for it
✓ Lost someone and can't stop believing it was your fault
✓ Chose yourself when society said you had no right to
✓ Feel like you forfeited your right to happiness, success, or peace
✓ Have tried therapy, self-help, and "releasing shame" but the belief won't shift
✓ Experience shame not as something you carry but as who you ARE
✓ Think your shame is "too big" to heal or that you're "beyond help"
✓ Are exhausted from pretending you're fine while believing you're irredeemable
Chapters:
- 00:14 - Struggles of Self-Perception
- 01:18 - Understanding Shame and Identity
- 02:19 - The Weight of Shame
- 04:34 - Understanding Shame Architecture
- 05:30 - Dismantling Shame: A New Approach to Happiness
- 06:17 - Dismantling Unforgivable Beliefs
ABOUT THE HOST
Heather V Masters is a Master Coach and Trainer in NLP, Hypnosis, and Timeline Therapy, specializing in identity reclamation for women who believe they're unforgivable.
After over a decade of carrying her own "unforgivable" story, Heather discovered that what she thought was her identity was actually shame architecture—constructed by trauma, cultural conditioning, and impossible circumstances. Once she learned it was constructed, she learned it could be dismantled.
Now, through her signature program The Unearthed Self, Heather guides women through the specific work of separating who they ARE from what they SURVIVED—using NLP, somatic healing, and identity reclamation techniques.
Heather's work is for women carrying shame so deep they can't see it as shame anymore. Women who've tried everything else and are ready for transformation at the identity level.
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Work With Heather: The Unearthed Self - 12-Week Identity Reclamation Program Visit: heathervmasters.com
Connect With Heather: • Website: heathervmasters.com • Instagram: @choosinghappy • Email: heather@heathervmasters.com
WHAT'S CHANGING WITH THIS PODCAST
Going forward, Choosing Happy will feature:
Solo Episodes - Heather sharing tools, insights, and honest conversations about identity, shame architecture, and transformation (like this one)
Client Stories - Anonymized journeys of women who've walked the path from "I am unforgivable" to reclaimed identity
Teaching Episodes - NLP techniques, somatic practices, and shame dismantling tools you can use
Uncomfortable Truths Series - Naming what's usually unspeakable about women's shame, identity, and cultural conditioning
All episodes will serve one purpose: showing women that no shame is too big to heal, no identity too buried to reclaim.
TAGS & CATEGORIES
Primary Category: Mental Health, Personal Development
Tags: shame, identity, self-worth, trauma healing, NLP, midlife women, identity reclamation, somatic healing, emotional healing, women's stories, vulnerability, authenticity, transformation, personal growth, self-acceptance, healing journey, deep work, life coaching, inner work, self-discovery
Topics: • Identity & shame • Trauma & healing • Midlife transformation • Women's mental health • NLP & somatic work • Self-acceptance • Emotional freedom • Personal transformation
ACCESSIBILITY NOTES
• Full transcript provided above • Timestamped for easy navigation • Content warning: Discussion of shame, identity, and personal trauma (no graphic details) • Suitable for general audiences • Episode discusses emotional/psychological challenges but offers hope and practical pathway forward
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From my heart to yours —
Wishing you peace, love, and a very Merry Christmas.
And as always… keep choosing happy. 🎄✨
How You Can Connect with Heather and Support This Independent Podcast:
Please like, share with someone who may need to hear this today, and/or leave a review and support the podcast. I really appreciate it.
Tired of the same patterns keeping you stuck?
Check out the Pattern Breaker Coaching Program: www.choosinghappy.co.uk/pattern-breaker
Want to dive deeper? Drop me an email: heather@heathervmasters.com
Join the conversation: Community | https://buymeacoffee.com/choosinghappy
If this episode resonated with you, please: • Subscribe to Choosing Happy wherever you listen • Leave a 5-star review (it helps other women find this work) • Share with someone who needs to hear: "You're not unforgivable" • Visit heathervmasters.com to learn about working together
© 2026 Heather V Masters | Choosing Happy Podcast All rights reserved.
Transcript
Hello, and welcome to the Choosing Happy Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Masters and I'm back.
Speaker A:And if you heard the pause episode, you'll know I said I needed to step away because something wasn't sitting right.
Speaker A:What I didn't say, what I couldn't say yet, was this.
Speaker A:I've spent most of my life believing I was a bad person.
Speaker A:Not that I made mistakes, not that I had flaws, that I was the mistake, that I was fundamentally broken, irredeemable.
Speaker A:I couldn't say it out loud, but the belief underneath everything was this.
Speaker A:I am unforgivable.
Speaker A:And here's what I've discovered through my own healing and working with women at the deepest levels.
Speaker A:When you believe you're a bad person, when you think you've done something society can't forgive, that's not just guilt or regret, that shame that's become your identity.
Speaker A:You don't say, I made a mistake.
Speaker A:You say, I am a mistake.
Speaker A:You don't say, I carry shame.
Speaker A:You say, I am unforgivable.
Speaker A:And if that word lands, if somewhere in your body, you just felt, yes, that's it.
Speaker A:I want you to know something that's not the truth.
Speaker A:That's shame architecture.
Speaker A:And it can be dismantled.
Speaker A:If this resonates, then stay tuned for this episode of the Choosing Happy Podcast.
Speaker A:The women who come to me aren't looking for life coaching.
Speaker A:They're not trying to find their purpose or discover their passion.
Speaker A:Although on the surface, maybe they think that's what it's about.
Speaker A:But they're actually trying to survive, carrying a belief that they don't deserve happiness, success, or peace.
Speaker A:They can't see the future.
Speaker A:It seems dark to them.
Speaker A:They can't even give themselves permission to have joy in their lives.
Speaker A:Maybe you made a choice that your family couldn't forgive.
Speaker A:Maybe you survived something and somehow you became the one carrying shame for it.
Speaker A:Maybe you lost someone.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:You can't stop believing it was your fault.
Speaker A:The details are different for every woman I work with, but the belief underneath is always the same.
Speaker A:I am unforgivable.
Speaker A:There's no coming back from what I did.
Speaker A:And the judgment was so swift, the rejection so complete, that over time, that shame stopped being something you carried.
Speaker A:It became who you thought you were, and it stopped you from experiencing the aliveness and the life that everyone else has permission to.
Speaker A:Does that sound familiar?
Speaker A:I know this because for over two decades, I was this.
Speaker A:Over two decades ago, I made a choice.
Speaker A:The people I loved couldn't forgive it.
Speaker A:The judgment was swift.
Speaker A:The rejection was Complete.
Speaker A:And I didn't fight it, because part of me believed they were right.
Speaker A:For years, I believed I was the problem, that I had forfeited my right to happiness, that the best I could do was to stay small, stay quiet, and try not to cause any more damage.
Speaker A:I didn't experience it as shame.
Speaker A:I experienced it as fact.
Speaker A:I am unforgivable.
Speaker A:This is just who I am.
Speaker A:Even though I had started training in NLP and somatic work, even though I had gone through a whole load of personal development training, it took me an age to realize that what I thought was my identity was actually constructed.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker A:The belief I am unforgivable wasn't truth.
Speaker A:It was shame architecture, built by impossible circumstances, repeated trauma, cultural conditioning, and trauma responses.
Speaker A:And once I understood that it was constructed, I learned it could be dismantled not through positive thinking, not through trying to forgive myself, but through separating who I am from.
Speaker A:From what I survived from the choices I made.
Speaker A:And that's the work I do.
Speaker A:Now, here's what I've learned.
Speaker A:You can't heal shame you don't know you're carrying.
Speaker A:As long as you believe I am unforgivable, it's truth rather than a belief that got built, you'll stay stuck.
Speaker A:That's why my work is different.
Speaker A:I help women see that I am unforgivable isn't who they are.
Speaker A:It's shame architecture.
Speaker A:And once you see it's constructed, it can be dismantled through nlp, Somatic Work and Identity Reclamation.
Speaker A:I help you do something specific.
Speaker A:Separate who you are from what you survived.
Speaker A:That's the work.
Speaker A:That's the transformation.
Speaker A:Not who you think you should be, not who you were before, who you actually are, underneath all the shame, underneath the choices.
Speaker A:So this podcast is changing.
Speaker A:It's still called Choosing Happy because I believe happiness is a choice alongside all of the other choices we've made, but not the toxic positivity kind.
Speaker A:The kind where you choose to see shame as constructed rather than truth.
Speaker A:Where you choose to dismantle what buried you.
Speaker A:Where you choose to live from who you are instead of what you survived.
Speaker A:Some episodes will be like this.
Speaker A:Honest, vulnerable, naming what's usually unspeakable.
Speaker A:Some will teach you tools, NLP technique, somatic practices, shame dismantling, and more.
Speaker A:And some will be stories from women who've walked this path.
Speaker A:And all of them will point to one thing.
Speaker A:If you believe you're unforgivable, if you believe there's no way on earth you can have permission to be happy, you're not.
Speaker A:And I can show you why.
Speaker A:If you're ready to do this work, not just listen to a podcast, but actually dismantle the belief that's been running your Life, then visit heathervmasters.com and click Work with Me to learn about the unearthed self, my 12 week identity reclamation Program.
Speaker A:This is deep work and it's not for everyone.
Speaker A:But if you're carrying shame, you think it's too big to heal.
Speaker A:If the belief I'm unforgivable won't shift no matter what you've tried, if you're constantly repeating patterns that leave you feeling in despair and unloved, if you're ready to discover who you are underneath what you survived, then this work is for you.
Speaker A:That's it for this first new episode.
Speaker A:I shall see you next week and as always, keep Choosing Happy thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed it or think it would be valuable to others, please do share.
Speaker A:And if you really enjoyed it, please leave me a review.
Speaker A:It really helps the podcast, all of the links are in the show notes and I look forward to seeing you next week on the Choosing Happy podcast.
